Today was decision day on what's next with this whole jaw pain issue.
And my choice is to have Open Jaw Surgery. It's a big surgery with some scary risks.
Recovery sounds brutal and I won't be feeling 100% until probably Springtime, but I will take the risks and all that comes with it to just not feel this pain anymore!
Life is about taking risks. And I think I've been through enough hell this last year and I can take on anything now that comes my way! I'm strong! Dr.Mehra at BMC, my jaw surgeon, is AMAZING!! I have a lot of faith, hope and trust in him.
This surgery scares the crap out of me though! I'm petrified and I don't even have a set date yet.
What they'll basically do it cut the side of my face open to expose the jaw bone and cartilage and all that, and either take the cartilage out if it's bad, or if it's good they'll put it back into place. Also there going to try and slip my disc back into it's hole but he said he's not sure how bad that disc is. If the disc is bad there's nothing they can do about that. I'll just have to live with it out.
But what he's trying to do for me is take this pain away and help me to live a semi-normal life and lifestyle.
The risks.....Ughhh they scare me very much! Nerve damage meaning I could lose feeling and movement on the left side of my face, losing my hearing in my left ear, pain worsening and this may cause me to need more surgeries down the road.
Dr.Mehra told me today that I will never be able to eat certain foods ever again no matter what surgery is performed. Some are pizza, bagels, hard breads, steak, pretzels...basically anything hard that needs a lot of jaw movement. No gum either:(
And my pigging out in the near future is pretty much non existent to. And oh boy did I use to pig out my whole life:)
So it all stinks but I can live with all this! I've thought about it the last two months, I've talked to God, family, close friends, Joey and I'm going for it!! I have a ton of support and I have my strength and my faith and family:)
This surgery is going to be hell for awhile but I already have been through hell throughout my life. I can get through this!! And I will! Mom is not for this surgery but I know in my heart that this is the best thing to do. She told me to talk to God, which I have, and he'll give me the answers. I've gotten the answers I need:)
Things happen and there out of our control. My mom always says we learn from things even the worst of things. And I have learned a lot this year trust me!!
I am one of the strongest people I know now. It took awhile but I pulled myself out of this hell and the depression and medications, and that really dark dark place I was in. I sat in my house and watched 4 seasons go by, crying everyday and praying to God for help.
And about a month ago I made some changes, stopped crying and started living!
My life and my jaw will never be the way it use to be and I am coping with that.
But I'm still here, still breathing and this freak injury did not take me!! So that's what I say to myself everyday!
I can't stop this from happening to anyone because there's not many people in this world that this does happen to with wisdom tooth extractions.
But I will say this...If you have clicking or pain in your jaw make sure you tell your Dentist of Surgeon!! Especially before they pull any teeth out!!
Find out of you have TMJ and the ways you can manage it.
I had a Surgeon tell me last year before all this happened that I shouldn't be put to sleep with wisdom tooth extraction surgery because of my slight jaw clicking and I didn't listen to him. Maybe none of this would have happened if I did but I will never know.
All I know is that I'm stronger than I have ever been, I'm not feeling crazy anymore, I'm off all medications (besides sleeping ones), I laugh and smile more and I have hope!! Yes I am in pain everyday and I still have some depression and I still get scared...but I pull myself out it all now and change my attitude! I have days I want to give up as we all do, but I fight those days and thoughts! We have the control over our mind and thoughts. We control our own happiness no one else does! And no one can make you happy, only you can make yourself happy!
I sat and watched my life, friends, relationship, family, fall apart from all this and how it all changed and I felt so helpless. I had no fight left in me for months and I really thought one day I'm just going to give up.
But I fought and climbed and pulled and held on for dear life. And I made it:)
I have many months and maybe years ahead of me with all this but I know I will get through them all! It will never be easy but life is never easy. I sit and wonder all the time why this happened to me but bad things happen and worse things happen.
I'm a warrior! God maybe choose me to become a warrior and tell my story and maybe help others. I wouldn't have made it without my mother to so be good to your moms everyone:):) They give up themselves for there children:)
And I still have my boyfriend after all we've been through so that's an accomplishment to;) ;) He's been put though hell as well but he stood by me! Family, friends as well! I love you all so much!!! Your all still going to have to deal with me not talking much or going places or seeing me a lot but I will always be there for everyone no matter what:)
What a year...WHAT a year! But I made it:) Now it's onto the next...wish me luck and keep me in your prayers:)
xxoo
